This topic has been something that naturally as a woman, is something that I have been trying to learn and understand from my own perspective and experiences; but the more I look around, the more I see how the broken women in this world, the ones feeling crushed emotionally, perhaps physically, and certainly spiritually, are suffering from the same cause- a broken mirror. This may apply to men as well, although I would not be so brash as to apply it directly to men as I cannot speak from experience! Now this blog isn't a feel-good piece, aimed at making women feel better should they come across it; but I aim more to help women to perhaps explore the reasons as to how they've broken their mirrors and the ways in which we can feel freedom like never before if we will allow God to give us a new mirror entirely.
There are any number of reasons that a woman may feel broken, and it may be anything from a bad relationship to abuse in childhood, but regardless of the reasons, once the damage is there, there is a tendency to bury it. Granted some women deal with it in a much more effective way than others, but I can't say that I have ever dealt with it effectively, at least not until I realised where I was slipping up.
I was never a particularly emotional child, I saw myself as the ultimate tomboy. But as I grew older, I noticed an emotional development, not simply to the extent that I felt things on a more personal basis, but that I became rather reflective about why I am the way that I am. I don't consider that this was ever a bad thing, as it meant that I felt things in a stronger way, a sense of empathy became a part of my emotional response to things and I have learnt to become so grateful for that gift. But the downside of it was that I did begin to feel things a little too much. Constructive criticism became insulting rather than helpful, I became an emotional sponge.
Everything that was getting absorbed became a part of me and distorted what I could see of me. It distorted the vision that God had so delicately put together. I began to dislike the reflection that I could see because I had put expectations on myself, that I should be more physically beautiful, that I should be better at sport, better musically, life had effectively become a sport and everything was a competition. There is a very thin line between these expectations and regret, and regret is not a path worth the effort. It causes more damage and pain over things that we cannot control, and the worst part is, that we think we have some sort of power over this, but we truly don't.
What we have a tendency to do, is to get better at hiding our disappointments, at hiding the shame we have in ourselves, and we just begin to create an internal black hole. It seems perhaps like a nice idea that these disappointments go somewhere that they can no longer be found, but in fact, the black hole only expands to accommodate the increasing disappointments in ourselves. And this black hole is visible, not in itself, but in the way that the enemy uses it. Jealousy, resentment and pride begin to take shape in our identities and it is like throwing car oil over a beautiful painting, it is absorbed and we cannot remember how the painting looked before the damage.
It was exhausting and the only way I can think to explain it is like running a marathon without the training. You can't handle it, you're not equipped to deal with that kind of pressure, because the only thing you are equipped to deal with is what God has given you, and He has designed you so that you CAN handle that without burning out. What I have seen in myself and many other women, is that we are so busy focusing on what we don't have that we don't stop to think about what we do.
The first stepping stone has to be forgiveness. Of ourselves. Forgiving others for hurt and disappointment can only be done if we can forgive ourselves the way that God has forgiven us. Chances are, most of us are the ones in our own way to finding His forgiveness and grace. It is not something to feel ashamed of, it is something to embrace that God's grace makes it worth it all. His eyes burn with flames of love for us, we just need to look Him in the eye.
Then only can we begin to show appreciation at the beauty God has given us, our hearts will soften and the beauty that others see in us we will begin to see in ourselves, and as this process continues, we may be able to focus so little on ourselves that we can help others to show them God's vision of their beauty. That is the ultimate aim i believe, is to find our beauty and understand our beauty in Jesus so much that we don't think about ourselves at all and not out of worry that we won't like what we see, but in understanding that God has made us the way He has for amazing reasons. What blocks this is that we cannot possibly understand what these are. Quite simply, the way to find our beauty in Him is to ask Him! He so desperately wants us to see and understand ourselves through His eyes. The more beautiful we find ourselves in Jesus, the quicker that we can get out of our own way and God's, to see the beauty in others and to help them find that too. Our relationships will take shape in a new way because we will have been completely transformed.
Women are a beautiful creation by God, made not just to follow, but to lead; God has not made us as an after thought, He made us as a joint one. I feel that although Eve was created after Adam, it is a crucial point to notice that she was made FROM him, she was already one with him before her creation. Man was not designed to be alone, and neither was woman. But finding the beauty in ourselves mean that we can understand that oneness better, that our relationships flourish and that we do not feel that our identity is found in mislaid expectations, and disappointments, but in forgiving ourselves we may find the beauty in ourselves that God intended for us. This freedom cannot be taken for granted, 'it's not a sprint, it's a marathon', but this time, we will be trained, and God will keep topping us up if we will just seek His eyes and His heart for us, to become His true daughters and powerful women of God.
This is not a quick fix scheme, it's somewhere to start.
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